I haven't really allowed myself much reflection time since being home. So much has been going on with reunions and my birthday, etc. It's been really nice to see my NAU friends and childhood friends again. Most of all, I've been really grateful to be in the presence of my family again. Nothing beats the comfort of home.
I think a lot of my readers may have slightly misinterpreted the tone behind my posts. I wanted to clarify that, though I only seemingly fixate on the negative occurrences of my abroad trip, doesn't mean it was an overall negative experience; not by a long shot. This was partially my fault. I used this blog more as an outlet to release tensions rather than really using it as a tool for documentation purposes. I've only ever been good at expressing myself on the downfall. When the good surfaces, I'm quite at a loss for words. It's a terrible habit, and I'm trying to learn how to express myself in all the ups and downs in life equally. The stereotypical artist/pessimist in me only ever finds inspiration for word outpours when there are negative occurrences.
This is moreso a disclaimer to let you all know, that by no means, do I regret this abroad journey. Despite the unfortunate happenings, I will always be grateful for this opportunity my parents granted. I know that I've grown into a more cultured woman, which was what I fully intended to do from the beginning. I wanted to see new worlds, and I was able to do that. I wanted to partake in new cultures, and I did that too. It's so cliche, but this journey was way more than I imagined, and not so much in other aspects. Do I wish there was more to it? Yeah, a bit. A few changes here and there to the trip I had, wouldn't have hurt, but by no means do I have any regrets. Wishful thinking and regrets are two completely different concepts.
Final goodbyes with my international friends was probably the hardest part. It kinda hit me that some of the genuine friendships I've developed overseas, won't be a part of my daily routine anymore. A couple of friends, I wasn't even able to have a final goodbye with. It definitely tug at my heart, because as much as I want to say I'll see them again someday; 1- that 'someday' won't be soon, or 2-that 'someday' could be never.
The one thing I'll miss most about Europe is the plethora of outdoor scenic routes available for every pedestrian. It's so easy just to walk outside to collect your thoughts and reestablish your breathing pattern again. Everywhere you go, it's absolutely breathtaking. It's so relaxing. Everywhere I went, I always found myself thinking, "wow, this is a good place to read or sketch." Our parks here are pathetic. I literally live in a suburban concrete jungle lol.
As excited as I was to come home, I was also kind of scared. Coming home meant I really had to tie down and really get to business. Coming home meant meeting reality once more. Coming home meant owning up to responsibilities that I've been unsuccessfully trying to avoid. Coming home meant waking up from this European dream I've held onto for so many years.
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted." - Ecclesiastes 3:1-2
That's a wrap for this bog for now. If I return in the near future, it'll probably be more post-journey reflections/new epiphanies/new self-discoveries, etc.
Lieben Immer,
N.M. Chow
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